PDF I Thought Id Be Someone By Now

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A Dana-Farber patient in her early 40s is a mother of four children. She is currently not working due to cancer treatment side effects and pain.

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  4. She wishes she could return to work and is struggling emotionally with not being able to provide for her family, especially during the holidays. We need your help.

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    Please consider donating now. I had long brown hair since I I let it fall out until one day I took charge and decided to shave it off.

    I was so proud of myself. I should have known this was coming, this deep existential despair.

    Where is my life going? It was assumed I would go to an Ivy League college and then go change the world with my genius and talent. Whatever that meant. I loved school growing up. I loved it because I was good at it.

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    And now here I am, a seeming vagrant, with no full-time job, no security, no prestige. An Ivy League graduate from an upper-middle-class family. I feel so ashamed. Ashamed that I seem to have somehow squandered my immense privilege and potential. I know well that there is a certain arrogance to this shame.

    I Never Thought I'd Be A Runner. Now, I'm the World's Okayest Runner

    But maybe I expect it because my life has been a marching parade of high expectations. It has me fighting storms on all fronts: battling lingering health issues, searching for a job that seems to not exist, finding my roots in a new city, fearing the impending winter. But above all, it has me attempting to repair the serious assault on my self-worth that all of this has caused.

    i thought i'd be dead by now

    The one dark, hidden gift that has given me is an early warning: that nothing is permanent, and we are guaranteed nothing. So here I am, sitting on my bed, face stained with tears, trying to start over from the top — from the little bit I still know to be true. Trying so hard to listen to my telltale heart.

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